Nobody can live up to the white dress, happily ever after

I have spent so much of my life trying to be who everyone else thought I should be.  No matter how hard I tried to just be me, I kept losing my way and myself.  Why I have tried so hard over the years to fit in, I have no idea.  I chased after people.  I chased after things I didn't want.  I did what was supposed to come next.  And ultimately that got me nowhere.  I was surrounded by people but felt so utterly lonely.  

When I was younger, I did the traditional white dress, big wedding, the whole shebang.  It was what was supposed to come next.  We didn't fit.  I don't want to speak ill of my first husband because he is the father of my children and will always have a special place in my life and heart.  It was both of us trying to fit into a relationship that wasn't us.  We bought the house.  We got married.  We had kids.  We kept taking the next step and the next and the next.

Fast forward.  We got divorced.  We were living our life always waiting.  Waiting until we had enough money.  Waiting until I'm not even sure what or why.  We were stuck in a holding pattern.  My entire life was stuck in a holding pattern.  I expected life to be different.  I expected to have this fairy tale, but when you do what you are supposed to instead of what you want, it is pretty difficult to live a fairy tale.

The last 7 years of my life have not been easy by any means, but they have been full.  They have been working towards building the life I want.  They have been an adventure of epic proportions which is what I want for my life.  I have had success, and I have felt the sting of failure.  Through it all, I am able to show my children to show up and work hard at your dreams not matter what.  I have found happiness with me and who I am and who I am working on becoming.  I have made mistakes, but I have learned from them.  I keep focusing on what I need to do next to make it to the next destination.  I do not believe you ever arrive at a final destination, it is always a journey to the next destination and so on.

Life isn't about happily ever after.  I can guarantee it isn't always going to be happy, but it can be full, and it can be good.  And marriage if you do get married isn't about the wedding.  It's about creating a life with someone.  This time around, I am doing things differently.  I am not being defined by the choices I made when I was younger.  I am not waiting for us to live our life.  We decided together that we want to live an adventure and share experiences with our chaotically beautiful blended family.  Our life isn't perfect, but we are partners, and we are experiencing life together.

Make sure that you aren't waiting to live your life or you may miss it.  Make sure you aren't just doing what is expected of you.  Build your life on your terms.  Life is messy yet beautiful, and you don't have to live up to anyone else's standards or expectations.